You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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