Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
