WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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