Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
