I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
