I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
