i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
