I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
