So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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