Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize