then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
