The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
