need another drink. this is the easiest way
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
