You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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