At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
this just has baby written all over it
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
