dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
