Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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