I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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