There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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