We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You should frame my arrest warrant.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
