I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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