Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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