Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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