I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
