i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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