Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
