She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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