the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
