he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize