I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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