btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
