Just cropdusted the office
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
