I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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