it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
This house was built for laser tag.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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