Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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