Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize