this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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