Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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