Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
