id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
