Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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