i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I believe in your delicious
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
