I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
