All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I have demons in me.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Enjoy the penises
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
