quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
