if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
