so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
