Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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