Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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