last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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