I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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