they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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