Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Randomize
