she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
