Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
