I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
