hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You left your phone here
Wait...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
