chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
