Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize