I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
