my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
