ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The power of my boobs compel you
I want to fling myself into the sun
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
