I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
