Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
