shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
