I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
