Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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