How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
