you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize