I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
