I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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