She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
