dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
