I should be sponsored by Trojan
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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