I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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