were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
