We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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