I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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