I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
