I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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