Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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