If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
