I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize
