i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
