Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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