His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize