yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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