i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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