enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
